Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
