Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
