Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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