Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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