i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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