my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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