he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
