My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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