Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
