If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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