What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
