Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
