K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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