she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
