Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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