he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
