Me too!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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