how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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