using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize