If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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