He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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