So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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