Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
