sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
