she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize