The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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