So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
