Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
its liver damage thursday
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
