3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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