If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
