Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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