Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
