puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
