do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
