im holly from the hills drunk
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
