Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
