Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
