oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
