Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4414) Bad night (1483)
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  (323): View more from California

  I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.

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  (323): I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom. http://tfl.nu/rbnh
  Replies (120) Good night (1797) Bad night (46072)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.

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  (304): my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app. http://tfl.nu/wpzp
  Replies (25) Good night (1413) Bad night (6083)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning

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  (252): Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning http://tfl.nu/yyg5
  Replies (6) Good night (2172) Bad night (1276)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.

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  (480): You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that. http://tfl.nu/96f7
  Replies (30) Good night (1376) Bad night (1799)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying

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  (250): I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying http://tfl.nu/ewgt
  Replies (10) Good night (2430) Bad night (794)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport

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  (952): I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport http://tfl.nu/ckgb
  Replies (2) Good night (542) Bad night (1561)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.

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  (305): One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud. http://tfl.nu/ff3s
  Replies (1) Good night (1313) Bad night (605)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....

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  (+61): So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year.... http://tfl.nu/e6zr
  Replies (3) Good night (1523) Bad night (525)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.

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  (512): Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely. http://tfl.nu/gnvv
  Replies (4) Good night (1113) Bad night (578)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...

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  (508): You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes... http://tfl.nu/do6f
  Replies (1) Good night (906) Bad night (481)
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  (310): View more from California

  That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.

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  (310): That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better. http://tfl.nu/qdjx
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (694)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.

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  (402): There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans. http://tfl.nu/d410
  Replies (4) Good night (962) Bad night (401)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09

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  (306): almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09 http://tfl.nu/v4ok
  Replies (4) Good night (1244) Bad night (415)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.

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  (631): Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why. http://tfl.nu/ugb9
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (294)

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