my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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