i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.