like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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