I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
