You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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