I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
do herpes really smell.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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