woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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