hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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