We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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