I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
