I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
