I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
