i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
