i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
