If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
