My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
