Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
