So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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