It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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