my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
