Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
