We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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