I am puke
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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