I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
