Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
