Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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