Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
