We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
