I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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