I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
