i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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