Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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