I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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