Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize