I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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