I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
