Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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