someone threw a dead crab at me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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