Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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