but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
