I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
