I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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