I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
