If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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