I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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