how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize