I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
