There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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