I need to stop coming to work sober
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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