Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
