when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
