i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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